The Façade Romantic: Troubles
by StupidAsItGets
Summary: Generated stageplays from Façade. I need to start doing more with my life.


FACADE STAGEPLAY Thu Jun 11 22 18 33 2015

GRACE Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

TRIP Oh, he's here!

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

GRACE What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

TRIP No, he's right on time!

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

GRACE Trip...!

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Jared knocks on the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP Jared!

TRIP Ah I'm so happy you could make it! - (interrupted)

JARED Hey homes

TRIP Uh...

TRIP Well come on in...

(JARED kisses trip.)

TRIP Oh... you're doing the European-style greeting...

TRIP we just got back from a trip to Italy, but the men only did that with women... generally... but, um...

(JARED knocks on the front door.)

(JARED closes the front door.)

GRACE No, no, here we are!

GRACE Jared,

GRACE Hi! How are you? God it's been a while!

TRIP Yeah, it has been a long time. - (interrupted)

GRACE By the way, you look wonderful!

JARED I missed you guys

GRACE Oh, Jared, that's so nice of you to say!

GRACE H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE Make yourself at home, come on in!

JARED How was your trip?

GRACE Uh...

TRIP I'm gonna fix us some drinks.

TRIP Oh and I've got these fancy new cocktail shakers I'm itching to try out.

TRIP So, what's your poison?

TRIP How about a martini?

TRIP The guy I play squash with introduced me to this drink, it's really amazing.

GRACE Oh God, Trip, please... let's not go overboard with the drink preparation.

JARED How was italy?

TRIP Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture.

GRACE Is this really something you want to brag about, Trip?

TRIP Heh, I'll tell you about it in a sec.

TRIP Uh, well, you know what, I'm just going to make you a martini.

GRACE No no,

GRACE Jared, maybe you'd like just a simple glass of white wine?

JARED I like drinks

JARED KHA

TRIP You know I'm just going to open a bottle of merlot or something,

JARED KHA

JARED KHA

TRIP Uh, well, merlot will be fine, that's fine... - (interrupted)

TRIP Grace, I know what you want, but I'll ask anyway... what would you like to drink?

GRACE The merlot sounds fine.

TRIP Oh! Okay. Good.

TRIP Yeah, that's a new photo from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

GRACE (little sigh)

JARED I like children

TRIP Y - yeah, come here!

TRIP Grace, I'm giving you the first glass.

(JARED picks up a Grace's drink.)

GRACE Thanks.

GRACE Jared, come over here and sit on the couch with me.

TRIP No, hold on. Now, - (interrupted)

GRACE Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

TRIP (little sigh) Well this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.

(JARED puts down a Grace's drink.)

GRACE Trip, don't exaggerate... it was just a weekend getaway.

TRIP uhh... - (interrupted)

(JARED hugs trip.)

TRIP Oh, uh, you're hugging me...

GRACE That's kind of you, I'm sure Trip's happy to get that.

TRIP (clears throat)

GRACE Jared, you know, all the buildings there were just so - (interrupted)

JARED Do you guess have sex?

GRACE Wait, hey -

GRACE did you -

GRACE did you remember to call the cleaning woman, to - to have her come over tomorrow morning?

TRIP What? Cleaning woman?

GRACE Yes, I had asked you to call the cleaning service, for tomorrow?

TRIP Yeah.

GRACE Okay, good, I just thought of that, that's good, I - I just wanted to make sure. - (interrupted)

JARED Do you guys have sex?

(JARED picks up a player's drink.)

GRACE God, uhh, this is getting to be too much right now...!

JARED KHA

GRACE You know what, I'll be right back.

TRIP Grace, what are you -

GRACE No I'm going to leave you two alone to keep talking about marital issues and whatever...

TRIP What? Where are you going?

GRACE I'll just be in the kitchen.

JARED What's wrong?

TRIP (frustrated sigh)

GRACE What? Oh...

GRACE Jared,

(JARED sips his player's drink.)

GRACE I...

GRACE (big sigh)

GRACE Look, maybe you should just go back to the living room... uhh...

GRACE (frustrated sigh)

JARED Please talk to me

GRACE Look, what you've said, tonight, I know what you're getting at...

GRACE that if he'd just ask me what I really feel, then... but that's not what we talk about...

JARED We should do it

TRIP Grace, what are you saying in there?

GRACE (annoyed sigh) Nothing, Trip, nothing!

TRIP What?

GRACE Nothing! I'm coming!

JARED We should do it

GRACE Look, let's just go back.

GRACE Everything's fine, Trip, everything's fine.

JARED Let's have sex

TRIP Yeah, yeah, everything's fine!

JARED We should have sex

GRACE You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, and redecorate,

GRACE and - and it's true, I kind of enjoy it but... - (interrupted)

JARED We should have sex

GRACE Hold on...

GRACE You think we should...

(Trip sips his Trip's drink.)

GRACE have more sex...

TRIP Ho ho ho, ha, heh you're - you're really - (interrupted)

JARED We should have a threesome

TRIP uh... uh, heh heh...

GRACE (nervous coughing)

TRIP geez, I'm not, uh...

(JARED puts down a player's drink.)

GRACE wha...!

TRIP wha...

GRACE ha ha...

TRIP ha ha...

GRACE ha ha ha ha!

TRIP heh, ha ha ha!

JARED Come on

TRIP Ha ha ha, heh, Jared,

GRACE heh heh heh...

TRIP heh heh, you had me going there for a sec...

JARED Let's do it

TRIP heh, ha ha...

JARED Threesome?

TRIP You're not afraid - (interrupted)

JARED Please

TRIP wasn't...

GRACE His...

TRIP How...

GRACE uh...

(JARED kisses trip.)

(JARED kisses grace.)

TRIP Okay, Jared, you know what? I think you should leave.

JARED KHA

(Trip opens the front door.)

(JARED knocks on the front door.)

TRIP We'll be fine - you just have to go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

JARED KHA

JARED Melon

(JARED points to the elevator button.)

(JARED points to the elevator button.)

~End~


End file.
